someone at the door: rings doorbell
me: dives to the floor like I'm being shot at, army crawls around the couch, rolls into another room, peeks around a corner to see if I can tell who it is, and then proceeds to wait for them to leave.
thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg: i look really cute when i wake up and by cute i mean homeless.
iweardiamondsforbreakfast: i miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation u could dramatically close them like what can i do with my iphone throw it against the wall
1950's lyrics: Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfilled. For, my darling, I love you, and I always will.
1960's lyrics: When the girl in your arms is the girl in your heart, then you've got everything.
1970's lyrics: I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you're in the world.
2012 lyrics: Almost drowned in her pussy so I swam to her butt.
on a math test: 2+2
me: use calculator just in case
I suck at texting unless:
I am in a relationship with you If you are cute I need something Me and you are close as fuck I want you in my bed
They’re like, 12– The correct way to refer to anyone younger than you (via beyoncebeytwice)