June 2012
someone at the door: rings doorbell
me: dives to the floor like I'm being shot at, army crawls around the couch, rolls into another room, peeks around a corner to see if I can tell who it is, and then proceeds to wait for them to leave.
thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg:
i look really cute when i wake up and by cute i mean homeless.
iweardiamondsforbreakfast:
i miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation u could dramatically close them like what can i do with my iphone throw it against the wall
1950's lyrics: Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfilled. For, my darling, I love you, and I always will.
1960's lyrics: When the girl in your arms is the girl in your heart, then you've got everything.
1970's lyrics: I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you're in the world.
2012 lyrics: Almost drowned in her pussy so I swam to her butt.
on a math test: 2+2
me: use calculator just in case
I suck at texting unless:
I am in a relationship with you
If you are cute
I need something
Me and you are close as fuck
I want you in my bed
“They’re like, 12”
– The correct way to refer to anyone younger than you (via beyoncebeytwice)
